


First Class on Facebook

by kaitlia777



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Anachronistic, Crack, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-08-11
Updated: 2011-08-11
Packaged: 2017-10-22 12:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/238251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitlia777/pseuds/kaitlia777
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Anachronistic prompt, ahoy!<br/>Charles and Erik declare themselves to be in a relationship via Facebook. The others react in the most inappropriate and hilarious ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Facebook

**Alex Summers** has joined Facebook!

 **Hank McCoy, _Raven Darkholm_ and 4 others Like this)**

 ** **Hank McCoy** : Welcome to the modern tele-communication age!**

 **Alex Summers** : I don’t get this.

 **Raven Darkholm** : ?

 **Alex Summers** : We live in the same house. Why can’t we just walk down the hall and say hi when we want to talk?

 **Sean Cassidy** : Man, have you looked at these halls? Some of them are really long.

 **Hank McCoy** : I’m telling you, someday forums like this will be a major form of inter-personal communication.

 **Alex Summers** : Whatever.

 **Hank McCoy** : No, really! You can just drop a line to let your friends know what you’re doing, what you’re thinking…your relationships and such.

 **Hank McCoy** likes **Raven Darkholm**

 **Raven Darkholm** , **Moira MacTaggart** and 3 others like this.

 **Raven Darkholm** likes **Hank McCoy**

 **Hank McCoy** , **Moira MacTaggart** and 3 others like this

 **Alex Summers** : So sweet, I think I’m gonna barf.

 **Charles Xavier** : Raven, is it time to have a talk?

 **Raven Darkholm** : Focus on your own sex life, Charles.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** , **Moira MacTaggart** and 2 others like this.

 **Sean Cassidy** does not like this

 **Sean Cassidy** : I don’t need that mental image, Raven.

 **Raven Darkholm** : Which one? Me and Hank or Charles and Erik?

 **Sean Cassidy** : Either.

 **Charles Xavier** : Raven! Please stop starting rumors!

 **Raven Darkholm** , **Alex Summers** and 3 others thin Charles doth protest too much.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Chess later, Charles?

 **Charles Xavier** : My suite. 10pm.

 **Raven Darkholm** : I don’t think you need any help starting rumors.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** , **Alex Summers** and 2 others like this.

* * *

 **Sean Cassidy** thinks **Moira MacTaggart** is smoking hot!

 **Alex Summers** likes this.

 **Alex Summers** : Go get yourself a cougar!

 **Moira MacTaggart** is flattered but uncomfortable with the age difference.

 **Sean Cassidy** : Age ain’t nothing but a number.

 **Alex Summers** and **Raven Darkholm** like this.

* * *

 **Alex Summers** : Did anyone else eat the lutefisk? I think it might have gone bad.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : I don’t believe we’ve had lutefisk here.

 **Raven Darkholm** : What’s lutefisk?

 **Charles Xavier** : A pungent, gelatinous dish made from aged stockfish. I fear Alex may have eaten the leftover tuna casserole from two weeks ago.

 **Raven Darkholm** , **Erik Lensherr** and 3 others do not like this.

 **Sean Cassidy** : Alex doesn’t like it either, but he’s busy puking up a lung.

 **Raven Darkholm** : Ew.

 **Charles Xavier** : *sigh* Infirmary.

* * *

 **Raven Darkholm** is in a relationship with **Hank McCoy**

 **Hank McCoy** , **Moira MacTaggart** and 3 others like this.

 **Charles Xavier** : Congratulations. Now, Hank, do I need to give the intimidating older brother speech.

 **Hank McCoy** : No!

 **Raven Darkholm** : Charles! Do not threaten to kill people with your brain!

 **Hank McCoy** does not like this.

 **Charles Xavier** : Just giving him fair warning, darling. Plus, there are just some things that I do not need to hear.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Charles, you voyeur!

 **Alex Summers** and **Sean Cassidy** like this.

 **Charles Xavier** : Very amusing, Erik.

 **Raven Darkholm** : Oh, just get a room!

 **Alex Summers** likes this.

 **Raven Darkholm** : Seriously, Angel told me that when you two went to recruit her, she thought you were trying to propose a threesome.

 **Alex Summers** , **Sean Cassidy** and 2 others like this.

 **Charles Xavier** : Inappropriate!

 **Raven Darkholm** : We only tease because we love you!

(2 minutes later)

 **Raven Darkholm** : Charles?

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : He’s pouting.

 **Raven Darkholm** : Well, go fix him!

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : In an attempt to be a team player, I shall.

 **Alex Summers** : Who wants to bet they’re gonna get busy?

 **Sean Cassidy** : No contest.

* * *

 **Alex Summers** : Sean, kid, there’s smoke leaking out from under your door. Put the bong down.

 **Sean Cassidy** : NO. I need it to avoid serious emotional scarring.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : What’s wrong?

 **Sean Cassidy** : Someone, who is not me, has to tell Erik and the Professor that their control of their powers gets a bit iffy when they…you know. My room shares a wall with the Professors.

 **Alex Summers** and **Hank McCoy** are horrified.

 **Raven Darkholm** : You do realize we live in an enormous castle. There are lots of rooms to choose from in other wings.

 **Sean Cassidy** : Thank God. Once I can feel my legs again, I’m so moving.

 **Alex Summers** : Dude, crawl! Get out now!

 **Raven Darkholm** : You know, that’s a total double standard. If I was having sex with Moira, you’d all be plastered to the wall, trying to listen in.

 **Alex Summers** , **Hank McCoy** and **Sean Cassidy** like this

 **Moira MacTaggart** : Men.

 **Raven Darkholm** : Amen. Now, how are we going to tease them mercilessly?

* * *

 **Charles Xavier** is in a relationship with **Erik Lehnsherr**

 **Charles Xavier** : There will be no mocking, children.

 **Raven Darkholm** : Nice try, Charles.

 **Alex Summers** : Yeah, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to follow that directive.

 **Sean Cassidy** : I had to move to another wing of the Castle!

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Charles, I think we need to institute some hand to hand training for the children.

 **Charles Xavier** : Lovely idea, Erik.

 **Hank McCoy** : We’ll be good.

 **Sean Cassidy** and **Raven Darkholm** like this.

 **Alex Summers** : Bring it on.

 **Raven Darkholm** : Alex! Not to insult your masculinity, but I think everyone will agree Erik inhabits a level of badass the rest of us can only aspire to reach.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** and **Charles Xavier** like this.

* * *

Comments, pretty please?


	2. Charles Xavier is annoyed

**Charles Xavier** is extremely displeased.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Honestly, children, the man is a telepath and I‘m…me. How long do you think you think you’ll be able to hide.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : Somehow I don’t think that’s going to encourage them to come out of the woods.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : They’ve made it to the woods? Last I knew Sean was creeping around the roof, Alex was in the training bunker and Raven and Hank were creeping around through the hidden passages.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : I was speaking metaphorically. How the heck do you know where they are? I haven’t seen them since Charles gave everyone an accidental headache.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : I always know where they are…and accidental? I don’t think you’re giving Charles enough credit.

 **Charles Xavier** : If you always know where they are, why didn’t you stop them from defacing the satellite dish?

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : I knew where they were, just didn’t care what they were doing.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : It’s just some graffiti.

 **Charles Xavier** : THEY PAINTED SATELLITE DISH!!

 **Moira MacTaggart** : I thought it was a nice touch that they used your code names. Subtle.  


[ ](http://s711.photobucket.com/albums/ww115/kaitlia777/?action=view&current=Satellite20Dish.jpg)

**Charles Xavier** : You took a picture?! Why?

 **Moira MacTaggart** : It’s kind of sweet.

 **Charles Xavier** : Are you serious?

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : All right, now my feelings are hurt.

 **Charles Xavier** : Now, Erik, I only meant that it’s not wise to be drawing any sort of attention right now. Surely you agree.

 **Charles Xavier** : Erik?

 **Charles Xavier** : Erik?

 **Moira MacTaggart** : He just went stalking by my room, looking like a cranky storm cloud.

 **Charles Xavier** : Damn it!

 **Moira MacTaggart** : Men.

 **Alex Summers** : Is it safe to come out yet?

 **Moira MacTaggart** : You’ve all made Charles very angry and now Erik is angry at him. What do you think?

 **Alex Summers** : Mom and Dad are fighting. Shit, it’s worse than I thought.

 **Sean Cassidy** : I‘d say we should run, but between Cerebro and Erik’s Nazi hunting skills we probably wouldn’t make it very far.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : Probably not.

 **Alex Summers** : We could probably distract Charles…..

 **Moira MacTaggart** : From the 60 foot tall declaration of his and Erik’s love on the satellite dish. How? Have aliens invaded?

 **Alex Summers** : I think Raven and Hank are using one of the labs…for non lab related activities.

 **Sean Cassidy** : Well, at least we don’t spend a lot of time in the labs. I stumbled across them out in the hedge maze. Not something I needed to see.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : Telling him that would just make the vein in his temple explode. Better just lay low for a few days.

 **Sean Cassidy** : I’m thinking about camping out till everything blows over.

 **Alex Summers** : In the woods?

 **Sean Cassidy** : What? Haven’t you ever woken up in the forest with no idea how you got there.

 **Alex Summers** : Can’t say I have.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : Nope.

 **Sean Cassidy** : You lot are sheltered.

 **Alex Summers** : I was in jail!

 **Moira MacTaggart** : And I wasn’t interested in wandering the woods stoned.

 **Sean Cassidy** : Live a little…Did anyone else just feel like someone kicked them in the head.

 **Hank McCoy** : OH GOD! CHARLES JUST WALED IN ON…OH GOD, I HAVE TO HIDE……

 **Moira MacTaggart** : You know, the woods aren’t sounding so bad right now.

 **Alex Summers** : Mind if we join you, Sean.

 **Sean Cassidy** : The more the merrier. Bring your own snacks.

* * *

Comments, pretty please?


	3. Lost in the woods

**Sean Cassidy** : Alex, man, you have to come get me. I was walking to the 711, but got lost in the trees.

 **Alex Summers** : Trees? How are you typing this if you’re back in the woods?

 **Sean Cassidy** : Oh, man, I DON”T KNOW!!!!!

 **Sean Cassidy** is freaking out

 **Charles Xavier** : Sean, you’re in the arboretum, not the woods. There’s a computer terminal in there.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Welcome back from your camping trip, by the way. When did that end?

 **Alex Summers** : When Moira sobered up enough to miss indoor plumbing and beds not made out of pine needles.

 **Sean Cassidy** : At least we had our pants in the woods.

 **Alex Summers** : Losing them was a possibility?

 **Sean Cassidy** : I seem to have misplaced mine at the moment.

 **Charles Xavier** : *sigh*

 **Hank McCoy** : Who stole my Twinkies?!

 **Sean Cassidy** : I liberated them…Is anyone going to come find me? I’m hungry and cold…Oh, apples!!

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Who’s with me in voting we never put that boy in charge of anything?

 **Charles Xavier** , **Hank McCoy** & 3 others like this.

 **Raven Darkholm** : I just passed the arboretum. Why is Sean hugging a tree? While pantless and demanding apples….Also, how did his but get sunburned?

 **Hank McCoy** does not like this.

 **Alex Summers** : Just because we didn’t lose put pants in the forest doesn’t mean they were always on. Sean and Moira burn really fast.

 **Charles Xavier** has no response for that

 **Erik Lehnsherr** & **Hank McCoy** agree with **Charles Xavier**.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : Alex! Everyone did not need to know that!

 **Raven Darkholm** : Go Moira! Get your cougar on!

 **Moira MacTaggart** : Oh, God….

 **Alex Summers** : Hey, I just said there was loss of clothing not that anyone got frisky.

 **Raven Darkholm** is amused by this.

 **Charles Xavier** , **Erik Lehnsherr** & 1 other like this.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : Discretion, Alex.

 **Sean Cassidy** : A penguin brought me back to my room! He even gave me a cookie!!

 **Charles Xavier** : I really need to give the household staff another raise.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : That would be prudent.

 **Hank McCoy** : There’s a staff here? How did I not know that?

 **Alex Summers** : Probably because they avoid the labs and any room explosions commonly happen in, only showing up to do damage control well after the fact.

 **Hank McCoy** : Huh.

 **Raven Darkholm** : There are 2 maids, a butler, 2 groundskeepers and Mrs. Thayer, the cook, and her daughter.

 **Charles Xavier** : I’m afraid they’ve always found Raven and myself a bit mad, so they try to keep away from us. The recent influx of explosions, broken china and misshapen metal fixtures has done noting to dispel their notions.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Having to wrangle half-naked gingers probably isn’t helping any.

 **Charles Xavier** : Perhaps not.

 **Moira MacTaggart** : As…interesting as these conversations always are, I’m going to take a bath in aloe. See you all at dinner.

 **Sean Cassidy** : I’m gonna lie on my bed, naked, and eat mangos.

 **Alex Summers** : No one needed to know that, Sean.

 **Sean Cassidy** : You never know….

 **Hank McCoy** : Trust us, Sean.

 **Raven Darkholm** : I’m honestly enjoying being one of the most mature people living here.

 **Charles Xavier** : Raven, that’s…Oh, why bother? She has a point.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Graciously conceded, Charles.

 **Hank McCoy** & **Raven Darkholm** like this.

 **Alex Summers** : I’m not going to protest. My plans for tonight include way too much sugar and The Flintstones on TV.

 **Hank McCoy** likes this.

 **Charles Xavier** : While The Flintstones sound tempting, I’m afraid Erik and I have other plans.

 **Raven Darkholm** : _Bow-Chicka-Wow-Wow!_

 **Charles Xavier** : Raven!

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Where did you hear that, young lady? Not in a cartoon, I’m guessing.

 **Raven Darkholm** : Oh, look at the time! Hank and I are taking a walk.

 **Hank McCoy** : We are…Yes, we are. I’ll see you gentlemen later.

 **Alex Summers** : That boy is whipped.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : And not in the fun way.

 **Charles Xavier** : Erik!

 **Alex Summers** : Right. Off to find enough cupcakes to put me into a sugar coma so I can forget this entire conversation.

 **Charles Xavier** : Mrs. Thayer does make wonderful cupcakes.

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : I prefer the frosting…..

 **Charles Xavier** : …Well, I don’t think it should be too hard to acquire the leftover frosting for…later….

 **Erik Lehnsherr** : Why Charles, you read my mind…..

The end….or is it?

  


* * *

Comments, pretty please?


End file.
